No, No, No, No-one can get fired for this, I sort of promiseā€¦

Okay, this is like a weird open-but-between-you-and-me thing. Apologies to American readers, who probably won’t really know/care what I’m on about, and also to those British readers who think this is cheap and/or stupid.

Anyway, my request: if any readers out there out there work at The Guardian, could you lay hold of Russell Brand’s raw copy and forward it to me? I read the published article, and it’s like this weird broken-backed, panic-stricken thesaurus lumbering towards me; I am keen to know what the hell shape it must have been in before hitting the subs’ desk.

Honestly, I will share it only with a tiny circle of friends via email (3 people, max), and it will not not not be published on the web. I am a man of honour.

There are no diamonds or glory in this for you. However, I will be appreciative of the work you’ve done to knock it into shape – small but real satisfaction, surely?

(And yeah yeah illegal, whatever. We’ll all be careful.)