Noel Prize for Literature announced at 12pm BST

I think they’ll probably list me as ‘United Kingdom’, but my family might like a mention of Ireland. I’ll email the committee about that. I’m sure they’ll speak English. You can’t get by with Romanche.

I think the theme of my speech is going to be ‘Human Rights and the Force of Literature’. I’ll quote that Auden stuff about poetry making nothing happen.

Bloody hell. My passport expired last month. I’d better sort that out.